The Sporadic Blogger

Christmas 2009




Yes, I should re-title my blog THE SPORADIC BLOGGER. I was going to delete the entire blog to date and start fresh until I reread some of my posts and realized that there are things there I want to remember, and that this is a good reason to try to blog more regularly.

For instance, reviewing my New Year's 2009 blog, I can happily report that I accomplished several of my goals. No, I didn't lose weight, so that one will be slapped on the 2010 list o' things I wanna' do. We're actually starting a Biggest Loser thing in our office on January 4, so maybe I'll succeed htis year? Anyway... not beating myself up!!!




Chris did finish his book and it will be published in July 2010. It is available for pre-order on Amazon and is already selling! He's received the edited manuscript back and is working on that, as well as reviewing and re-working some images. I won't see much of him in the next several weeks.

I did get back east and get to spend 10 days with family and friends. It was WONDERFUL, though bittersweet. "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." It was hard to leave, but I was so incredibly happy to have quality time with Susan and Sharon, to see my brother John and his children, to spend time in the beautiful cemetery where my dad is buried, and to be by the ocean...

The last week has been emotionally difficult. I'm dealing with sciatica, which is very painful. Friends of ours are spending Christmas at the hospital, because their 17-year-old daughter was in a car wreck (caused by black ice) and is in pretty rough shape (although she will recover). A family I am very close to asked me to attend the sentencing of the man who killed their daughter/granddaughter/niece. That was a gut-wrenching afternoon, and justice was not served. The man plead guilty to a lesser charge of involuntary manslaughter. He was originally charged with first degree murder. He received 7 years for the murder he committed. With time served and good behavior, he can be out in less than 2 years. There can never be justice for the murder of a child, but this is ludicrous. I'm asking people I know to show their outrage at this ridiculous sentence and their support for the Williams' family by reading about little Reagan and considering a contribution to Reagan's Rescue at http://www.reagansrescuefund.com.

I do believe there is a greater justice beyond this life, but how does that help the Williams family heal and move on? I don't know...

I do know that two members of the family are involved in the show I am directing, THE SPITFIRE GRILL. And it is my genuine hope that the creative effort of performing will be a positive light in their lives. Directing this show is a source of joy for me. I love the challenge, the thought-process, the creativity, the cast, the production team! As a director, I know I am blessed to have incredible support, and I do not take it for granted one little bit. I am sure future blogs will relate more about this experience. Particularly since Geno is in the show, and it's going to be quite a balancing act... mother/son and director/actor. Ohmy.

Right now, it is Christmas morning and things are quiet. I slow-roasted a turkey overnight, and the house smells amazing. Chris has taken Mollie for a walk, and now we're just waiting on the boys to open the few gifts under the tree. (Few because the things the boys wanted really couldn't be wrapped -- like money for car repairs, or, in Alex's case a new (used) car.) Last night, Chris brought me home some Crystal Skull Vodka. Oh, yes! Vodka triple filtered through crystal then bottled in Italian glass shaped like a crystal skull! Later on today we'll head over to the home of friends for dessert and fun.

I won't promise to blog again soon. But maybe... just maybe... I will surprise myself.

Sending out love and light and blessings to all on this dark, rainy, peaceful Christmas morning.

Until I write again...

Disappointment & Perseverence Go Hand-in-Hand

Well, I didn't get either of the jobs in the school district. I have soothed my devastated soul and wounded esteem with logic about probable in-house hiring or hiring of someone with less experience who would, therefore, make less of an impact on the school budget.

I keep reminding myself that before I went into that first interview, I sent a prayer up to God. "Please put me where I'm supposed to be for my own greatest good and the greatest good of my family and employers."

After the initial disappointment, which was quite severe, I kept reminding myself about the prayer, and reconciled myself to the fact that all is as it should be, and I am where I should be.
I must say that my current boss was absolutely delighted with the outcome! And I do adore her, so that made me smile.

I will persevere. The winds of change are blowing in my department at work, and there is a possibility, and a gut feeling, that I may be moving in to another position. It is a much better fit for me. More project work. Less phones and walk-in traffic. More creative stuff... desktop publishing, flyers, publications, Powerpoint. Fingers crossed! Toes, too. I can be patient.
Other than that, there is not much to tell. Family is wonderful! I've managed to start a few small artworks. I've started writing blocking notes for The Spitfire Grill (the show I'm directing during the upcoming theatre season). I'm very excited about the directing gig! And it really seems significant that I will be turning 50 the weekend the show runs.

Cronedom approaches!

And on that note, I am heading to bed!

Until next time...

So Very Quiet

It's July 4th. The house is eerily quiet. The boys are both off for the weekend, and Chris and I are home alone. Chris had trouble sleeping last night, so he's still in dreamland. It is overcast and a gentle rain is falling. That might put a damper on the plans of other folks, but I'm loving it!


I learned Thursday late afternoon that I wasn't selected for a job for which I'd interviewed. I was extremely disappointed, but there was some consolation. They have asked me back this coming Monday to interview for another job as Secretary to the Principal of one of the elementary schools. I'm trying to get over the disappointment on the first job and gear myself up to believe I'll get this second job. I did do a little prayer before the first interview that God put me where I need to be for the greater good of my family and myself, so maybe... maybe...

See, that's the thinking I need to change. I need to go into this interview on Monday with the same confidence I had last time around. But I'm afraid to get my hopes up. *sigh*


Not that it's the end of the world to stay where I am. Not quite, anyway. I do adore my boss. She's wonderful; a good friend, as well as an understanding and appreciative boss. But the job itself sucks the life out of me and leaves me feeling unfulfilled and depressed. It's a hard way to make a living, not doing what one loves.



Oh, if things could be done over again, eh? But they can't. I can change the future, though, so I'm officially manifesting a successful interview and the landing of the job!


So here I sit in the intense quiet of the house, fretting.


I think I will distract myself by starting THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE, a book that came highly recommended by a friend. Would suit the misty, overcast, warm mood of the day.


And maybe there will be fireworks later. ;-)

We are, after all, home alone!



Here's one of those self-shot dorky pix... Chris and I at Alex's graduation:

Once Every Six Months

It seems I have the time and inclination to blog only once every six months. This is primarily the result of a lack of discipline, which is a recurring theme in my life.

I was pondering this morning how exactly to conquer this lack of discipline. I know it would be good for me in many areas of my life. I found myself asking me, "Why don't I care?" Because if I'm being honest, that would be the bottom line, right?

Then I was going to make a list of things I could improve if I were to implement a modicum of discipline. I started the list in my head. It was too scary and overwhelming to put into print, even in an online blog that only a few people will ever read.

So...

I'm going to take it in small bits. One thing at a time. And so, here I am. Blogging.

What's happened over the last six months worthy of mention in my sporadic blog?

I got an A in my business math class at college, thereby earning 3 more credits to the elusive AAS degree/Administrative Professional! : )

I created one ACEO (art card) for the 2009-2010 deck of playing cards.

I played the role of a lifetime when I "became" Fraulein Schneider in CABARET. It really was a stellar moment. Perhaps the best moment I've ever had on stage. I followed that by re-donning my habit and playing Sister Lee in DO BLACK PATENT LEATHER SHOES REALLY REFLECT UP? It was fun! The best part of the experience, however, was watching my son (who had the lead) grow as an actor and singer, and discovering that there is someone incredible in this town who could handle the role of Percy in THE SPITFIRE GRILL, which I'm directing during the upcoming season.

My youngest stepson, Alex, graduated from high school. He is so focused and determined! I'm proud of him and honored to be his stepmom.

I endured the trials and tribulations of my job. I've tried to like it, but I'm failing miserably. I adore my boss, who really is a wonderful, special woman. Wonderful and special enough that when I recently applied for another job, she wrote me a glowing letter of recommendation. I'm hoping I hear something today about this potential new job.

My husband finally completed his second book. It has been submitted to the publisher, and he is expecting the edited manuscript back soon. Then the rewrite (ugh). My gut tells me it's going to start out with a bigger bang than his first book (published in 1998), and then continue to sell for years, the way his first one has. The first one hasn't made us rich... heck no! But I think the second will do better in that regard. Maybe not make us rich, but at least provide a means for Chris to consider retiring and working on the next two books that are dancing around in his head.

I have reconnected with many old friends via social networking sites (MySpace/Facebook). That has been great fun. A very enjoyable pursuit. Maybe taking up more time than it should, but it's very cool to find out what happened to people I've wondered about over the years. One in particular came out of nowhere after over a decade of silence. Amazing to think of this guy as married with three kids now! Time marches on. We all grow up. I feel a little thrill to see friends from my childhood and teen years sporting crinkles and gray hairs. Aging, to me, isn't a bad thing. I'm fascinated by the process -- in others and in myself. Oh, yes! I do feel distress when a knew wrinkle appears, but I'll never botox. The gray hairs? Well, L'oreal is my friend in that regard. : )

Okay, that's it for now! Let's see if I actually make it back to post tomorrow. That's my simple goal. Shouldn't be too daunting.

Peace!

2009

I make no resolutions. I've found that resolutions only set me up for failure. It's that lack of discipline thing.

I've tried to feel something about the change of one year into another, but this year it's a "ummm... and?" feeling. It's just one day into another into another as always has been and always will be.

I am not a pessimist.

I am, often to the chagrin of people around me, an optimist. Some would say an unrealistic optimist. I've been called Mary Sunshine, Pollyanna, and have been accused of wearing rose colored glasses. My cup is always half full.

I like it that way.

I like that when I get up in the morning... MOST mornings... I make a conscientious decision to be upbeat and cheerful. When those around me aren't and behave in a way that is like a pinprick to my balloon of upbeatedness, it honestly can devastate me to the point of tears. I don't know why, and this gets worse as I get older. I'm blaming hormones for that.

I'm trying to rise above my current health "crisis", which isn't easy. I've been bleeding since October 22. (Sorry, fellas. But that's as graphic as I'll get. I promise.) When people talk to me about not feeling well, being anxious or irritable, I've been pretty good about keeping my internal dialogue to myself. It goes something like this, though, "Irritable? Anxious? I'LL tell you about irritable and anxious! And on top of that..." I do a good internal rant, and most of the time manage to keep a smile on my face and provide the "poor sweet baby" vibes those around me need. Probably to my own detriment, but the women reading this will see themselves in that. It's just kinda' what we do, isn't it?

I'm not complaining. I'm really not. Just sharing. That's what a blog's for, right?

Anyway... 2009.

I'm looking at it this way. My family has endured some pretty challenging stuff in 2007 and 2008, so we're due for a really good year. I also hear that Aquarians can expect a very positive energetic turnaround, so bring it on!

In 2009, I would like to lose weight, but won't beat myself up if I don't. I would like my health issues to be resolved without surgery, but if they gotta' cut me, they gotta' cut me. I would like to see my husband finish his book and get it published. He NEEDS that, and I need to find ways to help make that happen for him. I would like to learn some limits in my life, like when to say no or when NOT to take an opportunity when I know it's going to stretch me too thin. (No pun intended.) I would like to do a girlfriends get-away. I think that would be GREAT for me. It's not always easy being the only girl in the house. I would like to do more creative writing. Maybe my blog will help with that? I would like to make more art. I just need time, and to do that, something else has to go. Probably my community theatre involvement. Less time on stage, although I'm really enjoying these years. Being a mature character actress has opened up so many roles to me. I never was the ingenue, but I'm surely the big, beautiful mother, the fraulein, the snooty socialite. It's hard NOT to audition when there are actually roles that fit.

In 2009, I want to see my family back east at least once. I have nieces and nephews I haven't seen in 5+ years. That makes me sad. I would like to know these people.

In 2009, I would like to find a job that is more suited to who I am. I adore my boss, but hate my job. I'm paid drek, and if it weren't for the free tuition that will be available to my boys, I would probably quit this job and actively pursue something else. So, probably three more years of this, but it would be nice if an ideal opportunity fell into my lap in 2009. I'm open to it.

I will be 49 in February 2009. I don't know if I'm amused or stunned to be this close to 50. I've never been hung up on age. But 50. It's so... 50. It's really more than half way to dead no matter what your health condition is. That's kind of scary. I think I won't think about that again in 2009.

One thing I do want to do in 2009 is be sure the people I love know that I love them. My husband is my beloved, and that is a miracle. My son is my rock. He challenges me, yes, but he is also there for me, and I am proud of the young man he has become. My elder stepson has no idea how much I love him, really, because he is facing his own challenges right now and I think views me as a pain in his arse, but that's okay. I know the place from whence I act, and it's my heart. My younger stepson is a constant source of amazement. He is so perceptive, astute and funny. He has survived some rough times during his childhood, taken charge of his life and become so positive and successful. I love my Women Around the Well, my fellow Bingevillians, and my dearest Danville friends who have come from Danville Light Opera. There are, however, no friends like the old friends, and Susan and Sharon are my soulsisters now and forever. And I love my Mom. In my family growing up, we didn't say, "I love you" a lot, but that doesn't mean we don't feel it. (I've broken that pattern with my own family. We say it and mean it every day.)

Until I blog again... Happy New Year!

Jeanne

Dreadfully Undisciplined

*sigh*

As is obvious to all, I am dreadfully undisciplined... in many areas of my life, but, as you can see, daily blogging is a particular challenge.

It's been an eventful month (plus) since I last shared my thoughts with the "world" (as the word encompasses those who actually read this!). Holiday madness rather took over.

Thanksgiving was a lovely day spent with our dear friends, the Summers family. Judie and I share the cooking. It was a wonderful spread which left everyone happy and sated.

Christmas was on us in the blink of an eye. I did almost all my shopping in my pajamas in the comfort of my own home. I adore internet shopping! Seriously, I do! Who needs the crowds and frustration? I knew what I needed. I clicked a few times, and voila! The packages arrived on our front porch. Brilliant, I tell you! Just brilliant! Especially for a non-shopper like me.

Throughout it all, I've been dealing with some health issues which I was attributing to menopause. A sonogram showed that it might be other concerns, and I had a biopsy done yesterday. I honestly feel optimistic about all this and that the outcome WILL be that it's menopausal and can be rectified with medication rather than surgery, but come what may, I'll be fine. I believe this with unshakeable faith. In the meantime, I persevere, keep my feet up as instructed, and try to maintain low levels of stress. (Great this week, since I'm on break! Next week -- it will be a challenge.)

Other than the joy of holidays with my family, the highlight of the last month was landing the plum role of Fraulein Schneider in the musical Cabaret. It's a wonderful lead role that offers the opportunity for comedy and dramatic acting, some terrific songs, and an ill-fated love story. The fellow who was cast opposite me is someone I adore working with. We have a nice chemistry that has already come across in rehearsals. My fondest hope is that the health issues do not result in my having to give up the show, but I don't think that will happen. I just want to assure everyone that I'm wise enough not to put my health at risk, nor would I want to jeopardize the show by clinging when I should let go. That said... the show WILL go on, and I will be in it!

I will try to be better about blogging more regularly or sharing some writing exercises here. Since I don't have time to create visual art, I am dedicating myself more fully to writing in 2009. Let's see how that goes, shall we? Because we all know that...

I'm dreadfully undisciplined.

Happy New Year!

Jeanne

What a Wednesday!

All right. I know. I haven't blogged for a few days. At least I haven't let it slide for a week or a month or forever, so I won't beat myself up too badly.

It's a cold, crisp Wednesday. Below freezing this morning, though the low humidity meant no frost. I love this weather! But I would have enjoyed doing something more productive (like raking leaves) than taking my son to traffic court for a speeding ticket. That cost a nice chunk of change, and our auto insurance rates will be affected. This kid better find a job soon! (Not that he's not try. Just not many jobs to be had for teens where we live.)

I'm feeling fiscally stressed more than usual today. Can you tell?

After court and errand-running, I came home to work on math homework. I've procrastined for two weeks, and now I've got a homework deadline of tomorrow night. I don't know if I'll make it, especially since Chris gets home from Egypt tomorrow night (yay!), and my head won't be in mathland. The fourteen-year-old in me is still crossing her arms across her breasts, thrusting out a defiant lower lip and wanting to know why the hell I have to take math -- ANY math EVER -- since I will never ever in a million years take a job or pursue a project that requires math of any sort. I can do what I need to do like balance a checkbook, calculate a discount and divide a recipe. Why the hell does math have to be part of every single freakin' college degree?

End of rant.

(Especially since I know that particular rant isn't going to get me anywhere.)

I think I need chocolate.

Well. WANT chocolate.

I have a new book staring at me from the printer stand where I set it. It's called The Writer's Idea Book. It's supposed to stimulate writing. (Um. Sorry... that was probably obvious.) I think I may begin using this blog for writing exercises, which might provide the blog reader with more entertainment than my rants and babbling about my rather tepid (though not unsatisfying) life.

I have one blog follower (and only one at the moment... ::: waving to my friend and loyal blog follower::: ) who suggested that since she has become a follower, I must start divulging secrets in this blog. Hmmmmm...

Well, it's not really a secret since a lot of people know it, and I don't really hide it, but maybe it will be new info to some readers.

So, today's nugget of info: I am a collector of Tarot decks and a reader. Well, I used to be a reader when I had more time and less chaos in my life. I was pretty darn good, too. I was especially drawn to and most successful with doing readings by email, and best of all complete strangers. (I think most readers would agree that the more you know a person, the less objective you can be when doing a reading.) I actually used to auction/sell readings on eBay, and my old, old feedback under my original eBay ID (jeanze) should still show the responses to those readings. (Although eBay might have done away with those old feedbacks when they switched feedback systems. Que sera sera!)

Time to return to math homework. *sigh* Hopefully the next blog post will be less of a rant and something more thought-provoking.