Monday, December 20, 2010

I Just Haven't Been in the Mood

I've been writing, sort of. Emails. Proposals. Um. Okay, so nothing I would consider a qualifier for my 15-30 minute a day goal. I have an explanation (illness and holiday madness), but in the end, is there really a good explanation for why I couldn't write? No. I just haven't been in the mood.

And I am completely undisciplined. So, we're back to Day One of the 21 days it will take to make daily writing a habit. If I can make myself do this every day from now through the holidays, I will be very impressed with me.

I've also been a little sad and frustrated over the fact that my throat does not seem to be healing from my recent upper respiratory infection. By the end of the day, I have no voice left. I haven't been able to sing at all for about two weeks. This is not good. I'm in rehearsals for a show. I need to be able to sing. I suspect that the only cure, the only way my throat will heal, is several days mute, but it isn't a realistic possibility. My job makes it impossible. My life makes it impossible. Next week the office is closed for the holiday break, though, so perhaps then, if I'm very, very good and very, very quiet, I will rebound and be singing by January.

I never realized how much I actually sing every day. To the radio. When I'm puttering around the house. In the shower. Sitting in the back office during my lunch hour -- although that singing is pretty quiet. At my desk, I've had to stop myself from humming ditties or singing or humming along to the holiday music that we've been playing. It is difficult! Really, really difficult! Every time I stop myself, I want to kick something!

I honestly believe that if this continues much longer, I will sink into a real depression.

Heh. I may not have been in THE mood, but I'm definitely in A mood! Let's see if I can turn that around.

Tonight there is a significant astronomical/astrological event. There will be a full lunar eclipse just before dawn on the day of the Winter Solstice. It will be an energetic moment worthy of a focused meditation on new beginnings, starting new projects, setting new goals. Before I go to sleep tonight, I will spend time in prayer and meditation. I will send out healing thoughts and energy to friends who need it. I will think and pray about the things I'd like to accomplish in 2011, and in which aspect of my life could I use "new beginning" energy.

If we weren't expecting snow/freezing rain over night, complete with clouds that will block the eclipse, I'd be setting my alarm to go out and gaze at the moon. I may set my alarm anyway and take a peek outdoors. (That's about the time Lily, my Pomeranian, decides she needs to go out for her middle of the night pee anyway.) Then come inside where it's warm and do a little meditation in the wee hours.

I feel as if winter has already been here forever. It's going to be a long one. I better think about getting IN the mood...

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